Good Marriages make for Good Parenting

I mentioned on Sunday that one of the biggest credibility busters with a child is a bad marriage and encouraged couples to get help. Let me give you some good resources for that. First, you might want to contact one of these two local professional Christian counselors:

• Steve Tyvol who attends Cedarbrook and can meet with you at the Cedarbrook House on Saturdays (or New Richmond during the week.) Call 715-781-3398.
• Robin Williams who works out of the Access office in Menomonie.

Plus, I highly recommend a Retrouvaille Marriage Retreat. These are practical weekend retreats in the Twin Cities that deal with the nitty-gritty of getting rocky marriages back on track. A number of couples from Cedarbrook have attended with excellent results.

When your children see that you are at least working on your marriage you give your child hope and model for them the essence of character.

Parenting isn't for Cowards

I never intended to take the summer off from blogging. It just happened! But now I'm back. I hope you had a great summer.

I'm preparing for two weeks of teaching on parenting. I'm calling it Parenting with Love and Limits. After giving it that title I realized that it tends to imply that Limits is in contrast to Love, which isn't the case. Both children and parents tend to see it that way though. Children feel "abused" by limits and parents feel guilty for "abusing" their child...afraid of the psychological harm that will be inflicted and quickly back away.

That's unfortunate because limits bring definition to a child's life. They help a child to focus on what's important and let go of the rest. Plus limits help a child learn how to deal with disappointment. Life tends to deal out a lot of disappointment and if a child grows up shielded from that they are headed for a rude awakening when their marriage or job or children don't make them "happy" all the time.

As a follow up to these sermons my wife (Lisa) and I will be starting a Parenting Club to help coach parents through their years of parenting. I'm not sure what day or night we'll do it but if that interests you let me know.

Welcome Andy Britz!

After a year of searching for a new youth pastor we have finally found one that we think is a great match for Cedarbrook! We extended an offer to Andy Britz last week and he has accepted the position.

I'm very excited about Andy joining us. It was worth the wait. Thanks so much for all of the input many of you gave us in the process. After our failed attempt last Fall to hire someone we made Andy jump through a number of hoops, being interviewed a total of four times by different groups of people. Here was the process...

• Lisa and I met Andy and his wife Jill for lunch
• LEAD met with Andy and Jill
• Staff met with Andy and Jill
• Andy presented to staff, LEAD and youth leaders. At this meeting we also had a second candidate present and we then took a straw poll. Andy was the clear favorite, especially with the younger attendees.
• We had hoped to bring Andy before the students before actually offering him the job but we ran out of time. He was being pursued by another church and scheduling wouldn't allow more interviews. But with the positive feedback from the youth that saw him we are confident that Andy will be well liked.

Here's a brief overview of Andy:
> He's 32, grew up in the UP of Michigan but currently lives in Osceola, WI.
> He attended Northwestern College in St. Paul where he got his degree in Youth Ministry.
> He's worked at two churches over seven years. In both settings he proved to be an instant draw to the students. In Osceola many of the students in his group were from outside of the church.
> He plays guitar and leads worship.
> He's married to his wife Jill and has two young children.
> He's also a carpenter and has been in that trade for the past two years.

I'm excited for you to meet Andy. One of my goals was to find someone that is easily approachable and quickly likeable. I think that describes Andy well. He's the kind of person that has a quick smile and is very easy going. But he also has a passion for investing into the lives of students.

Brad Kehn will be introducing Andy to the students at the Bonfire on June 13th. Brad and Andy will be working closely over the next few weeks to make a smooth transition. Andy will start leading the Wednesday meetings in July. He will be actively looking for a house to move into by August if possible. I hope to introduce Andy to the congregation on June 24th.

Let's be sure to not only work at welcoming the Britz family but also bringing closure to Brad's time with us as well. Brad played a crucial role in the history of Cedarbrook Youth. He didn't just keep the ministry alive but invested in it and prepared us for the future. The Cedarbrook Youth Ministry is stronger today because of Brad's involvement.

I think Andy will bring a lot of great things to the lives of students as well as to Cedarbrook as a whole. Now we can move on and take things to the next level.

Whose script are you reading?

My post below talks about your story. I talked about that a little this past Sunday. God's story for us always ends in resurrection...if we let it. No matter how bad things get God wants to turn your story around for good. Your chapters may not read the way you want them to, but in the end, God's story proves God to be faithful.

I was speaking with someone today about this idea. I told them that we are all like famous actors who read scripts to determine which movie they will star in. God gives us the right to choose the script. We can pick bad scripts or good ones. It's our choice. Many actors have ruined their career by becoming anxious and choosing a bad script. The wise person will reject the bad scripts and wait for the good one to come along...the one that ends in triumph and not defeat.

If you are in a decision making process right now, wait for a good script. Don't get desperate and jump at a script that will cast you in a losing role. God is writing great scripts for your life. Wait for those and then follow them with all your heart.

Finding Your Story

Sometimes when I'm too busy to offer my thoughts I like to give you someone elses thoughts. I came across a blogger who laments his lack of living a compelling story. But what's most interesting is the comment from Jody Ferlack. Jody talks about the story that God gave her. It's not one she would have chosen yet it is compelling and has given her a platform to speak of God's love. Jodie's family was traumatized by a suicidal driver who drove through a restaurant wall where they were sitting. Her oldest child died and her youngest suffered a brain injury. Jody also has her own blog that you might find to be an encouragement.

God's Redemptive Plan for New Orleans

I spent a fast 48 hours in New Orleans last week with two ministry partners, Dave Johnson and Amy Burns. We went to scout out future ministry opportunities for Cedarbrook. In February we sent a team to work in Center City to start work on a dormitory for Living Witness' Drug Treatment Center. We returned to see if that is a location that we want to continue to build a partnership. (The picture is of me and Pastor Pierre, the director of the treatment program).

I'm not going to try and recount the whole trip. You can read Dave's blog for that...along with some pictures. I'd just like to say that you can a learn a lot in 48 hours! We met with three pastors, a restaurant owner (Craig Cuccia at the Cafe Reconcile) and heard from Dr. John Perkins. They all seemed to have one message: don't just transform lives, transform communities.

We witnessed God's redemptive plan for not only New Orleans but potentially our whole country. God is using the Katrina disaster to rally the church to become what it was always meant to be, a tranformational community. People are going down to New Orleans to help with Katrina Aid and returning to their own towns with a vision for how they can bring renewal there too. So Katrina Aid is really a two edged sword (in a good way)...people help New Orleans recover and then go home to duplicate what they did there. Only God could bring life out of the death of Katrina.

I'm personally challenged to learn all I can about how to transform a community. John Perkins spoke last Wednesday at Castle Rock Church about the vision in Zechariah 8. It speaks of a community where God is so evident that people want to know who this God is. They will come to believers and say, 'Let us go with you, because we have heard that God is with you.' Zechariah 8:23

That's happening in Center City. I went to New Orleans looking for how we could help them. But now I want to return because I think they will help us...help us to move beyond church as usual to become a place where people are not only transformed but bound together with others to become a corporate transforming agent here in Wisconsin. Maybe you'd like to join us.

Youth Pastor Search: Cedarbrook Distinctives

This post is intended for youth candidates but anyone new to Cedarbrook will appreciate the info.

As I said in my previous post, we are looking for a youth pastor who shares our approach to ministry. I never think of our approach as different, but people tell me that Cedarbrook is very different. I guess you either love it or not. So, let me list a few things that we value in the way we do ministry:

• Being normal. We try to eliminate religious jargon from our talk. Cedarbrook is full of a wide variety of people from various church and non-church backgrounds. Religous words that mean something to one mean nothing to another and are offensive to yet others. You can love Jesus without peppering your sentences with "God told me this" and "hallelujah". We don't want people to recognize us for our religiosity but our Christ-like character and deeds.
• Encouraging dialogue. I think the church has missed a huge opportunity to engage culture by being so strong about what we believe. Do you ever notice how Christians sponsor "debates" instead of "dialogues". The words alone are telling! "Debate" says we are right and the opposition is wrong. In sermons and conversations, we try to stimulate dialogue then let the Holy Spirit do the rest. We might openly engage people that embrace views that are rejected by the church at large. In doing so, we are not embracing their ideas. We are embracing the person, telling them, "We value you. You are important to me and God. We may not agree with your thinking, but we know that you are passionate and we appreciate that passion."
• Women are equal in both theory and practice. It's embarrassing to me in the 21st century to even mention this. Every church talks about women being equal to men but many don't practice it. At Cedarbrook women function in every role that men do in the church. We have women elders and pastors. I've worked in churches with and without women in leadership. I would never go back to the old way.
• Breaking down barriers to meeting God. Once you develop an eye for it, there are many things that church people do to make newcomers FEEL like outsiders. There is a strong "us/them" culture that insiders don't see but newcomers sense a mile away. And if people feel put off by church they are hearing that God doesn't want them either. The list is too long to mention here but it's a common discussion among staff to be on the guard for this behavior.
• Look for the win-win. It's easy to point out the bad. That makes you look so good! But we believe that there are better ways to approach most issues. How can we affirm the good in others, ignore the bad (if possible) and eventually win them over to seek a better way? That's the challenge.
• Look for what we share in common with others. Along the lines of a "win/win", we believe we share more in common with the unchurched than we often care to admit. Rather than pointing out the differences, why not talk about all that we share in common, the weakness, the failure, the joy and sorrows of life, the hopes and dreams, etc? We want to be building bridges and not walls.
• Being real. I think churches are much more inviting when we drop the charade and just tell people how it is...we've got our issues but we are in process, moving toward God by following Jesus. True community is developed in brokenness, not in people only showing their best side.
• Being consistent. The only way to make our faith credible to others (not to mention God) is if we let our faith impact EVERY aspect of our lives. When people see that our faith affects the way we spend our time, the way we treat people, the way we invest our money and the way we invest our talents, they see what it means to be a fully devoted follower of Jesus. That says something. But when they simply hear a bunch of talk and religious activity, it turns them off and sends them away.

You can probably sense that these values are a reaction to something. That's true. Many of us, myself included, have come out of churches that left us feeling empty and disappointed. They were like the sizzle without the steak...saying the right words with little depth of conviction. To make things worse, religious words were a thin veil for the very same small minded, critical thinking that we saw in the world.

At Cedarbrook, we are trying our best to walk away from that kind of church and offer something real and inviting. That's why we follow our name with "come and be refreshed". We are far from perfect. We fall into many of the same traps I've spoken against. But we are actively working at trying to do church in a new way to please God and be inviting to those who might want to join us.

To learn more about the Cedarbrook vision I encourage you to read through some of my blogs, especially the series called "Why I Don't Like Church". Also, go to our website and read my sermons under Sermons & More>>Past Sermons>>Cedarbrook Vision. Just reading the summary of these sermons will tell you a lot about who we are.

Youth Pastor Search

Once you stop blogging, it's hard to start again! I guess I've been busy screening youth pastor candidates so let me talk about that journey.

The history is that after a three year run, our previous youth pastor (Andre) resigned. He's currently working as an engineer...what he went to school for. Since last September, Brad Kehn has graciously stepped up to be our interim pastor. Brad works full time as the Director of Youth Alive, a ministry to youth ministries (offering camps and training). Brad has added his Cedarbrook duties to his already full plate. We tried to hire someone last summer but we didn't find the right match (lots of candidates). Now we've resumed our search. We aren't just looking for anyone to fill the slot. We want someone who can build on the foundation that we have for youth as well as fit in with our somewhat different approach to church.

It's interesting to review the resumes because so many of the candidate's work history (75%) stops 1-3 years ago. For one reason or another, they were fired or quit and they have been unable to find another position. That makes me uncomfortable...hiring someone with a failed experience...but that's the nature of the beast. Youth pastors often go into a church setting, expected to create a thriving ministry but they get caught in an unfriendly church political environment with unrealistic expectations on them...or...they have little experience and can't juggle all the balls expected of a minister. Either way, they end up on the street, wounded, disillusioned and looking for a new home. The average stay for a youth pastor is 1.5 years!

It's also hard for me as I review resumes because I'm looking for someone who matches our ministry philosophy but realistically, these are young people who are still in process. They don't know what they believe for sure. And that's probably another reason that they fail. They take a position thinking that they agree with the church on everything but then their thinking evolves and they move away from what the church wants.

Speed-interviewing? Frustrated with a pile of resumes that seem more or less the same, I came up with an idea. You've probably heard of speed-dating. I decided to do speed-interviewing. Rather than spend time emailing and calling candidates, trying to narrow down the pile, I decided to invite them to visit a Sunday service and meet with me and a few leaders briefly. It's not an interview really. It's just a "meet and greet" time to help both parties decide if there is any chemistry. We haven't done this yet but I'm in the process of inviting people in April. I'm hopeful that it will bring clarity to a very muddy process.

I hope to report that we've found the perfect candidate yet this spring!

Teaching versus Preaching the Bible

This coming Monday (March 19th) I'm going to start teaching the book of Romans from the New Testament. I can't believe it's taken me four years to get to a place where I have the time to do this. I love teaching, especially the Bible.

Did you know that teaching and preaching the Bible are two different things? At least it is for me. On Sundays I preach. I study what the Bible has to say on a topic and my goal is to make one point that you can take home and apply. I bring "pre-digested" information that is easily understandable (well, that's the goal!) and immediately applicable. It really answers the practical question: How does God want me to live my life?

But when I teach the Bible, I have different goals. I want to teach YOU how to do what I do every week with my sermon. I work to give you the tools to digest what you read and apply the information to your life. When you walk out of a "class" you are loaded with information, not to apply that week, but to return to over and over again as a resource throughout your life.

When I first decided to follow Jesus I read and studied the Bible all the time. I was like a sponge. But now, 30 years later, all that knowledge is something that I'm still processing and dissecting and learning how to apply to my life (and helping others do the same).

I think we all need both teaching and preaching. We need to be motivated regarding what to do right now, but we all need to know how to study the Bible for ourselves so God can speak to us through his word whenever he wants to.

My class on Romans will run for eight weeks (Mondays, 7 - 8:30pm at the Cedarbrook Center in the Shops Off Broadway Mall). I hope to run it for 8 weeks, take a few weeks off and run another 8 weeks. So if you are reading this months from now, there's a good chance that I'm still teaching on Monday night. I'll hope you'll join me. Once you get ahold of what the Bible is saying, it tends to get ahold of you!

Waking the Dead

After having "Waking the Dead" recommended to me numerous times I finally broke down and bought the book. Eldredge does a good job, as always (Wild at Heart, Journey to Desire, Sacred Romance) of stirring your passion and giving you a glimpse of what life could and should be like.

He starts by quoting Ireneus (early church leader) who said, "God's glory is man fully alive." In other words, the greatness of God is best manifested when you and I live our lives to the fullest.

Hmmmm. What does THAT look like? And how would we even know what to shoot for?

It reminds me of taking an air capacity test once for my asthma. The doctor said that on my best day I only used 70% of my lung capacity. I was shocked. Did he mean to tell me that most people have another 30% of lung capacity to feed their system with oxygen! ? I FELT normal but I was obviously functioning far below what others do.

Kinda makes you wonder about life in general. Maybe we are functioning far below what we were created for but don't know it. Maybe we are missing something. And that's what Eldredge is out to help us get back.

Stay tuned. I hope to pass along some of his insights as I go along.

Fifth Team Heads to New Orleans

This past year we've been working at developing a culture of service. I think faith makes a lot more sense to people when it is more than a set of beliefs but a lifestyle that benefits others. After all, Jesus didn't come and start a school! He came and impacted lives in practical ways.

Today we sent off our fifth team to help with the Katrina Relief. Dave Johnson is heading this up along with another 15 people from Cedarbrook. If you want to keep track of their progress please click the link. Or see pictures of where they'll be working. They'd appreciate your prayers!

Thanks to those who gave $8,000 for their trip!

The Power of Words

I'm enjoying a daily reflection that I receive from www.nouwen.org via email. It's nice to pass on someone else's inspiration when I'm not feeling particularly inspired myself!

Words, words, words. Our society is full of words: on billboards, on television screens, in newspapers and books. Words whispered, shouted, and sung. Words that move, dance, and change in size and color. Words that say, "Taste me, smell me, eat me, drink me, sleep with me," but most of all, "buy me." With so many words around us, we quickly say: "Well, they're just words." Thus, words have lost much of their power.Still, the word has the power to create.

When God speaks, God creates. When God says, "Let there be light" (Genesis 1:3), light is. God speaks light. For God, speaking and creating are the same. It is this creative power of the word we need to reclaim. What we say is very important. When we say, "I love you," and say it from the heart, we can give another person new life, new hope, new courage. When we say, "I hate you," we can destroy another person. Let's watch our words.

Henri Nouwen from Bread for the Journey

Reflections on Turning 50

Lisa and I had our pictures taken this week for the church directory. Maybe it was the lighting but I could see more of my scalp through my hair than ever before. When it came time to decide if we just wanted the free picture or buy additional copies, the free one was more than enough! As another 50+ friend of mine said, "Why do I want to show people how old I am?"

Other than the mirror not being nearly so flattering any more, I enjoy my "coming of age". I came across a new view of what it means to be "over the hill" that I could relate to and want to pass on to you as well.

On the Journey To Aging Gracefully
written by ANDREA SHAPPELL

I turned fifty last month, "over the hill" as many cards declared. In the months leading up to my birthday, I was puzzled by the thought of turning fifty: How could this have happened? I do not feel like I am fifty. Gradually, with reflection on the experiences of my life and all the learning that has come from those experiences, my focus turned to the wisdom that has come from fifty years of living. Yes, I am "over the hill" of trying to earn love instead of accepting the grace of unconditional love; "over the hill" of worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of me instead of delighting in being me; "over the hill" of trying to save the world, learning that "being with" is more important than doing.

My aching knees, greying hair and need for reading glasses cannot be denied as parts of the aging process. They are proof that I have grown up, but now I desire to grow down, to grow deeper, into greater communion with God and with the people in my life. Most of life's lessons, like those mentioned above, come to me over and over again, each time in a deeper, more meaningful way. The one that is most prominent for me at fifty is that relationships are the key to a fruitful life. I look forward to learning more about life and love, fruitfulness and joy, as I continue on the journey "over the hill" towards sixty.

Nouwen on Community

I've always appreciated the simplicity yet profound thinking of Henri Nouwen. Here he gets to the heart of a value at Cedarbrook: community.

The word community has many connotations, some positive, some negative. Community can make us think of a safe togetherness, shared meals, common goals, and joyful celebrations. It also can call forth images of sectarian exclusivity, in-group language, self-satisfied isolation, and romantic naiveté. However, community is first of all a quality of the heart. It grows from the spiritual knowledge that we are alive not for ourselves but for one another. Community is the fruit of our capacity to make the interests of others more important than our own (see Philippians 2:4). The question, therefore, is not "How can we make community?" but "How can we develop and nurture giving hearts?"

Community so often takes a backset to our self interests. Sometimes even to our "passion for community", if you can understand that. Our agenda, even for good things like community, can keep us from truly loving one another.

Thinking About...anger and forgiveness

I have two other blogs; one on myspace.com and one on blogspot.com that deals with finding healing for your emotional hurts. Before Christmas I blogged about shame and self-worth. I've just started a new series on anger and forgiveness. You can pick up this discussion here.

Movie Review: We are Marshall!

Now that the holidays and vacations are over I can resume my blog.

I want to recommend a movie to you. About the only time I go to the theatre is when I hang out with my kids. The other night we went to "We are Marshall!". It wasn't by choice as much as it was the lesser of evils from a small selection of movies. I was with my wife and two daughters and seeing a football movie wasn't high on their list. Plus I hadn't read any great reviews on the show.

But we were all pleasantly surprised. I'm always attracted to movies that make you think and understand humanity better. I can handle slow action if I'm learning something. So, if you are like me, you'll like "We are Marshall!". The movie chronicles what happened to a town, a team and individuals after the Marshall University football team died in a plane crash. It's really a study in grief recovery. About six different people embody the different responses that we typically have to loss.

Maybe it was because it was a true story (not BASED on a true story) that I found myself choking back tears on and off through the entire time (every time they chanted, WE ARE - MARSHALL! - it got to me - a shout of determination in the face of tragic loss). It wasn't hard to put myself in the shoes of various people, maybe because I live in a small town and have college age children. Plus the new team coach has somewhat of a pastoral role as he shepherds the town through their pain in a simple, ala "Columbo", manner.

There's enough football in the movie to keep guys involved and enough emotion to keep women involved. I found it a good mix but some guys might want more football. If you want a good look at how we deal with loss and move on, plus a good ol' fashion come from behind underdog movie, "We are Marshall!" might be what you are looking for.

Surviving Christmas

I am in Florida right now. I was at a shopping center last night for supper and the one word that came to my mind was "frenetic". Why do we always turn God's will upside down? When he wants us to learn to wait for his presence as Christmas approaches, we increase our activity and shove him to the background.

I was just reviewing some of my blogs from last year...good stuff if I may say so myself! I took the book "Watch for the Light" - readings for Advent and Christmas and shared a brief devotional every day. If you go to the "archives" in the right sidebar and go to December (12) of 2005 you'll find them.

Also, for some spiritual direction during this season you might want to read my sermon series called "How to Survive & Celebrate Christmas".

I'm not posting much to this blog right now because I'm busy posting to another blog...Healing the Hurts of Your Past. This overviews my book by that name, little by little each day. If you know someone who needs some emotional healing you might want to let them know about it.

The Most Important Work of the Church

Occassionally I'll talk about something that I think is an essential part of what it means to be a God follower. Yesterday was one of them when I continued my series on the Sermon on the Mount and talked about "Blessed Are the Peacemakers". Here's just a snip from that talk. You can download the entire sermon at our website.

I want you to see something here in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus gave us seven characteristics of his church community. Jews were very conscious about the significance of numbers. The number seven is God’s number and the number for perfection. So, when Jesus gave us seven characteristics he was saying that these qualities should be central to the life of the church. And the seventh of the seven characteristics is the most important one.

Jesus is telling us THE MOST IMPORTANT THING about being a church isn’t the number of people converted, isn’t whether people speak in tongues or not, isn’t how we vote in the elections. It’s none of that. The most important thing is that we pursue peace in all our relationships. So whether it’s in our church or in our families or at work or wherever we go - God is calling us to make peace.

So Much to Be Thankful for...

A few weeks ago we held our "Fresh Encounter" meeting. This is a low key time of singing, prayer and reflection at Cedarbrook - very counter to our high energy, music and message time on Sunday morning.

Anyway...the theme of the evening was thanksgiving. The leader (Jayne) was praying and thanking God for all that he had done at Cedarbrook this past year. It was a long list! I'll mention just a few things here...

• The four teams that we sent to New Orleans to help Katrina victims
• The start of a number of new small groups and the relationships they have spawned
• The addition of Brenda Brewer as our Team Leader for the Children's Ministry
• The resurrection of a number of marriages that were on the verge of divorce
• The successful transition to our new space at the mall
• The incredible amount of volunteers that have stepped up to serve as we've grown
• Brad Kehn stepping up to serve as interim youth pastor when our search failed to find someone
• The faithful giving of so many people that enables us to hire staff and equip the church to minister to so many people
• The numerous changes lives that have resulted from people connecting with God

Well, you get the idea. If you'd like to add to the list please comment by clicking the link below. And join us tomorrow night as we have a Soup & Sharing time on Thanksgiving Eve.

How to Restore the Fallen

I'm passing on my points from my message yesterday. It seemed to hit a chord in people so I thought I'd share them. For the whole message you can click here to download "Blessings in Disguise: Mercy". (Available to download after noon CST on 11/13/06.)

How to Restore the Fallen:

1. Be gentle (meek). Meekness doesn't criticize, judge or force its way.
2. Think the best of the person. No one likes to be reduced to their worst mistake. Let them know that their sin is only part of the mix of who they are and that you believe the better parts will come through.
3. Don't excuse sin. Jesus released the woman caught in adultery from judgment but he told her to "go and sin no more". You can show mercy and still hold people accountable.
4. Bind and loose scripture. This means that we apply scripture on a case by case basis and not across the board in a harsh way. Jesus did this with the woman mentioned above.
5. Offer what's needed to heal. Be constructive. Think restoration not punishment.
6. Explain what's necessary to rebuild trust. Trust is built by proving yourself to be faithul...over time.
   
7. Reinstate if possible. Once trust has been reestablished, it's time to restore. Don't keep people in limbo out of your own fear. That's your issue, not theirs.

This message was specifically on mercy and a part of a series on the Beatitudes. I believe that Jesus meant the church to be a healing community, not the moral police. The Haggard fiasco is a great opportunity to find those among us hiding in the shadows with sin and offer them a safe place to be restored.