Monday, December 03, 2007

Who calls the shots?

Thanks to those that tested my link below. Seems to be least for them! Now the rest of you can go back and add your movie comments!

I.T. K.? Sorry for no "in the know" comments this week. I guess I'm too busy working on my house in my free time to have my ear to the ground on much right now! I need to get a bedroom finished in time for Christmas!

Men and Women's roles: I never have enough time to talk about everything I'd like to talk about on Sunday's. One thing I'd like to have had time to address is how my teaching on "Putting Women in Their Place" shakes out in a marriage. There's a lot I could say about that but one thing I hear a lot of couples say is, "We are basically equal but we believe the husband should 'make the call' when we disagree."

Hmmmmm....I've got a problem with that. That doesn't sound very equal to me. My experience, in marriage and in church leadership, tells me that when two parties don't agree that's NOT the time for one person to pull rank on the other. That's the time for MORE discussion, more research, more input...maybe even counseling or some form of mediation. Whenever one person "calls the shot" they are opening themselves up to resentment. You can say, Well that's why God gives grace to the wife to submit to the decision. But I'd counter by asking why that isn't just as much the time for the man to humble himself and defer to his wife.

Like I've been saying on Sundays...there is no wonder or mystery in one person taking control. That's the cowards way out in my opinion. The courageous person will seek to talk until a true compromise and true unity is reached. It will undoubtedly require more work and more time, but all good things do. It's worth the effort. Plus, it requires us to be more in-touch with God. Any one, on their own human effort, can call a shot. But to reach a compromise with another person requires the grace of God's Spirit working in you.

I'd love to field questions on this issue and others. Remember you can post your comments and questions anonymously. So ask/comment away!


Michael Glapa said...

Regarding your statement: "The courageous person will seek to talk until a true compromise and true unity is reached." My experience tells me that when we occasionally agree to disagree on something, we are hopefully making a thoughtful consideration about the importance of the issue. Sometimes, we can respect an opposing point of view, and no reasonable amount of talk will cause us to agree. We then weigh the consequences, and make the old analysis of "is that the hill you want to die on." Perhaps the unity factor should be proportional to the importance of the issue. Seems troublesome that folks should expect true compromise and true unity in every instance, if true is the equivalent of 100% complete agreement...

Enter the concept of grace...

Remy Diederich said...

Thanks Mike. I don't consider 100% agreement is a prerequisite for unity. If that were true, then unity could never be achieved unless people were brainwashed to think alike. I think the essence of unity, especially in the Bible and what I want to achieve at Cedarbrook, is an attitude of accepting people's ideas and continuing to love them whether or not they agree with you. Sadly, that's a foreign thought to many and is what causes them to want to gain control of the other through power/submission. They feel threatened by the idea that someone else doesn't think like they do. I think what you said about your approach in your marriage is a good approach to compromise and unity.