I read an article on John Travolta last Sunday (Life, March 4, 2005). They asked him about his interest in Scientology - a pseudo religion. He said, "Scientology is for people who want to think for themselves...it's the opposite of other religious philosophies, where you are told what to think." Hmmmm.
I've got two problems with that. First, it's good to be told what to think if you are in the dark about truth. Who wouldn't welcome that? Only the fool ignores truth when offered to him/her. Second, being told what to think doesn't preclude thinking all together. Once you are given the truth, then you can apply the truth in all of your reasoning. Receiving truth doesn't shut down thinking, it should expand it.
Travolta is reacting to what many have observed; that some Christians stop thinking when they believe (or other religious types as well). As much as I disagree with Travolta, I understand what promps his words. Sometimes faith is a cloud that descends on someone. Once that happens, they are worthless. You can guess their response to every question because they have been "programmed" to believe certain things. They simply spit out the "right" answer.
Travolta isn't alone. I recently read Harriette Cole's problem solving column in the St. Paul paper. Two people responded about the close-mindedness of Christians. One said, "I grew up with religion, but when I grew, I began to realize how irrational and unsupportive the whole system of religion is." And another protested, "Athiests believe in a moral society based on scientific truths, not a magical fantasy book that our slave-owning, witch-burning ancestors waved like a flag."
It's easy to discount these criticisms as "anti-God", but I think they are more anti - closemindedness than anything. We can show the world better than this. We don't have to be simplistic. I don't believe Jesus was. Simple answers are easy but God has never made convenience a priority to my knowledge. Some of the world's best thinkers have been strong believers in Jesus Christ. Let's follow their example and bring honor to our faith not ridicule.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Monday, March 07, 2005
The Lure of E-Mail
I spoke on Sunday about internet pornography. Thankfully that's not a temptation to me. My biggest temptation is checking my e-mail! I office primarily out of my home (less distracting) and my computer is in our dining room (very central to our home). The computer screen seems to always be calling out to me.
There's something about mail that is alluring. As a kid, I always loved checking the mailbox. Back then, there wasn't much junk mail. If you got a letter it was usually hand written by someone you knew like grandma or someone. So I always had a sense of expectancy going to the maibox.
I feel that way when I open my yahoo account. I suppose it's because I'm a pastor that makes it exciting. I probably send and receive about 60 emails a day (total). I'm in contact with a lot of people and I'm often hearing good news. God is up to good things in a lot of lives. Other emails come from leaders with questions about their ministry. Sometimes I get emails from people across the country who read an article or sermon that I wrote and they want to thank me. Those are fun!
Knowing that there might be a mailbox with pressing questions or good news makes it hard for me to not check it frequently. It's addicting. I almost "need" to get that continual flow of information to be content. That's a little scary. So I started a new discipline. On Fridays (my new day off), I'm not going to check my email at all for 24 hours. I guess you can say it's a fast. I'm amazed how calming it is for me to stop the information flow. It's like not drinking coffee for a day. You don't get the buzz and your thoughts aren't bouncing around your head as fast as usual.
I share this because maybe you can ask yourself...What is it that I need to have flowing into me to be content? And ...What is it that God might be asking me to fast?
There's something about mail that is alluring. As a kid, I always loved checking the mailbox. Back then, there wasn't much junk mail. If you got a letter it was usually hand written by someone you knew like grandma or someone. So I always had a sense of expectancy going to the maibox.
I feel that way when I open my yahoo account. I suppose it's because I'm a pastor that makes it exciting. I probably send and receive about 60 emails a day (total). I'm in contact with a lot of people and I'm often hearing good news. God is up to good things in a lot of lives. Other emails come from leaders with questions about their ministry. Sometimes I get emails from people across the country who read an article or sermon that I wrote and they want to thank me. Those are fun!
Knowing that there might be a mailbox with pressing questions or good news makes it hard for me to not check it frequently. It's addicting. I almost "need" to get that continual flow of information to be content. That's a little scary. So I started a new discipline. On Fridays (my new day off), I'm not going to check my email at all for 24 hours. I guess you can say it's a fast. I'm amazed how calming it is for me to stop the information flow. It's like not drinking coffee for a day. You don't get the buzz and your thoughts aren't bouncing around your head as fast as usual.
I share this because maybe you can ask yourself...What is it that I need to have flowing into me to be content? And ...What is it that God might be asking me to fast?
Sermon Out-takes
Every week I have to throw out something from my sermon that I like. I think and read a lot all week and I REALLY want to cram it all into my sermon - but I just can't do it. Good thing we have to be out of the CineMagic by noon because it forces me to be concise! But I realized the other day that this blog is a good place to put those out-takes.
Last week I was talking about Romans 1 -3. Paul's making the point that we can't judge others because we all have issues. To us, those issues are minor. But to God they probably look fairly similar because he looks behind the behavior to the attitude of the heart. Didn't Jesus say that lust was equal to adultery and anger equal to murder?
I was thinking that if I asked God to send me the sins of my heart, I'd expect him to send me a short e-mail. But God would probably have to put it on a CD to hold all the files. I think that's a good idea of how far off I am when I am quick to overlook my sin and judge others. There's a lot more there than I think there is. How about you?
Last week I was talking about Romans 1 -3. Paul's making the point that we can't judge others because we all have issues. To us, those issues are minor. But to God they probably look fairly similar because he looks behind the behavior to the attitude of the heart. Didn't Jesus say that lust was equal to adultery and anger equal to murder?
I was thinking that if I asked God to send me the sins of my heart, I'd expect him to send me a short e-mail. But God would probably have to put it on a CD to hold all the files. I think that's a good idea of how far off I am when I am quick to overlook my sin and judge others. There's a lot more there than I think there is. How about you?
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Why I Try Not to Use the Word "Sin"
Not too long ago a new person at Cedarbrook wrote to us and said they probably weren't going to return often to Cedarbrook because they noticed that I purposefully used the word "mistakes" instead of the word "sin" in my sermon. I guess they saw that as a moral and theological compromise on my part. So, let me explain.
I often use synonyms or descriptive phrases for "sin" when I speak- for a very definite reason - the word "sin" carries all kinds of double meanings and baggage. I purposefully don't use it because I don't want someone assuming I mean "x" when I really mean "y". ( I do the same for other words like "Christian", "saved", sanctified, etc.)
For example, to many unchurched people (many whom attend Cedarbrook), "sin" implys that they are evil and therefore God doesn't like them. Sin is thought of in terms of "big" things like murder or adultery, etc. and not in terms of more hidden issues like greed or anger or envy.
Biblically, "sin" is falling short of God's glory - or perfection. That being true, every thing that I do is sin because I don't do anything perfectly. My understanding of sin is not exclusive (pointing the finger at bad people) but inclusive - meaning that I'm fully aware that we are all in the same boat and therefore need to work together to cling to Jesus for salvation.
If everyone understood sin like I do, I'd always use the word sin. But few do. Using the word "sin" brings more confusion and reinforces bad theology. So I rarely use it unless I've defined the word in context.
One thing very different about Cedarbrook, compared to other churches, is that we tailor everything (as much as possible) to be understood by unchurched, bibilically ignorant people. We don't "dumb things down" intellectually but we do try to use terms that everyone understands and can relate to. For some well churched people, it takes time getting used to this because they are more comfortable with a well established Christian vocabulary. But I'm very committed to speaking in a language that people can understand so they are drawn to God and do not prematurely reject him simply because they misunderstood a term used.
I often use synonyms or descriptive phrases for "sin" when I speak- for a very definite reason - the word "sin" carries all kinds of double meanings and baggage. I purposefully don't use it because I don't want someone assuming I mean "x" when I really mean "y". ( I do the same for other words like "Christian", "saved", sanctified, etc.)
For example, to many unchurched people (many whom attend Cedarbrook), "sin" implys that they are evil and therefore God doesn't like them. Sin is thought of in terms of "big" things like murder or adultery, etc. and not in terms of more hidden issues like greed or anger or envy.
Biblically, "sin" is falling short of God's glory - or perfection. That being true, every thing that I do is sin because I don't do anything perfectly. My understanding of sin is not exclusive (pointing the finger at bad people) but inclusive - meaning that I'm fully aware that we are all in the same boat and therefore need to work together to cling to Jesus for salvation.
If everyone understood sin like I do, I'd always use the word sin. But few do. Using the word "sin" brings more confusion and reinforces bad theology. So I rarely use it unless I've defined the word in context.
One thing very different about Cedarbrook, compared to other churches, is that we tailor everything (as much as possible) to be understood by unchurched, bibilically ignorant people. We don't "dumb things down" intellectually but we do try to use terms that everyone understands and can relate to. For some well churched people, it takes time getting used to this because they are more comfortable with a well established Christian vocabulary. But I'm very committed to speaking in a language that people can understand so they are drawn to God and do not prematurely reject him simply because they misunderstood a term used.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
The Offense of Grace
I'm continually amazed by grace. It's so complex and it's impact on people is astounding...not always in a good way.
Grace is troubling. It's not always what we want it to be. For the "sinner" grace doesn't lower the bar of God's standard. It doesn't let people off the hook or wink at their sin. Jesus still says, "Be holy for I am holy". That's hard for the "sinner" because they are ashamed of their failure and can't find the strength to obey. They hope that grace will simply forgive and forget.
For the "religious" grace is also hard. It's hard to hear that you and the sinner are seen by God as the same - that your works don't earn you any credit. It's hard to hear that the motives of everyone's heart are wicked and deceitful regardless of how we act. They like to think that they are better than "those people". They want to know that grace has been offered to them because they did something special in God's eyes.
Grace doesn't always make us warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it makes us bitter because we thought it was something that it's not.
But seen through the right lense grace forgives the "sinner" and empowers them to change. Grace gives them the second and third chance (and even more) than they really deserve to be given. And grace offers to them the power of God's Spirit to help them to do things that they never thought they were capable of doing. Rather than merely covering their sin, grace strengthens them to conquer sin. And even if they never achieve the ideal, they know that God accepts them based on Jesus' work on the cross, not their work on earth.
And for the religious, grace can melt their hard heart. It can give them insight into the hidden motives that they are too quick to ignore. Grace helps them to see that rather than being a "cut above" the rest that they share most things in common. Suddenly they are able to talk to the broken, the divorced, the abused, the homosexual, etc. because they see that they too are broken. They don't have it all together either and thankfully Jesus accepts them apart from their good works.
Whether you see yourself more as the "sinner" or the "religious" I hope you can push through the offense of grace and allow it to transform you into the person that God made you to be.
Grace is troubling. It's not always what we want it to be. For the "sinner" grace doesn't lower the bar of God's standard. It doesn't let people off the hook or wink at their sin. Jesus still says, "Be holy for I am holy". That's hard for the "sinner" because they are ashamed of their failure and can't find the strength to obey. They hope that grace will simply forgive and forget.
For the "religious" grace is also hard. It's hard to hear that you and the sinner are seen by God as the same - that your works don't earn you any credit. It's hard to hear that the motives of everyone's heart are wicked and deceitful regardless of how we act. They like to think that they are better than "those people". They want to know that grace has been offered to them because they did something special in God's eyes.
Grace doesn't always make us warm and fuzzy. Sometimes it makes us bitter because we thought it was something that it's not.
But seen through the right lense grace forgives the "sinner" and empowers them to change. Grace gives them the second and third chance (and even more) than they really deserve to be given. And grace offers to them the power of God's Spirit to help them to do things that they never thought they were capable of doing. Rather than merely covering their sin, grace strengthens them to conquer sin. And even if they never achieve the ideal, they know that God accepts them based on Jesus' work on the cross, not their work on earth.
And for the religious, grace can melt their hard heart. It can give them insight into the hidden motives that they are too quick to ignore. Grace helps them to see that rather than being a "cut above" the rest that they share most things in common. Suddenly they are able to talk to the broken, the divorced, the abused, the homosexual, etc. because they see that they too are broken. They don't have it all together either and thankfully Jesus accepts them apart from their good works.
Whether you see yourself more as the "sinner" or the "religious" I hope you can push through the offense of grace and allow it to transform you into the person that God made you to be.
Stories of Those Struggling with Homosexuality
I've read a number of excellent articles for my recent message that I thought you might enjoy reading yourself. Here are some links:
- My Path to Lesbianism http://christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/002/36.62.html . This article explains how a woman was led into the gay lifestyle from past hurts and how she was able to walk away.
- Cheated by the Affirming Church http://christianitytoday.com/ct/2004/012/36.50.html . The title tells you how this author feels about a church that chooses to only affirm homosexuals and not help them to change.
- No Easy Victory http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2002/003/2.50.html . This piece gives you good insight into the life of someone who struggles with same sex attraction even though he's tried everything he can do change.
Some of these articles also offer links to ministries that help Christians with their same sex attraction.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Speaking Truth or Opinion?
I've changed the way I preach. I often qualify what I speak by saying something like, "That's what I believe, now you have to ask God if it's true" or "You can believe what you want. Aren't you glad you don't have to answer to me?" Some people may think that that takes away from the power of preaching but I think it's a much more honest approach.
I grew up as a Christian listening to preachers that were convinced that every word they spoke was sent from heaven. Their passion and strong conviction impressed me. I believed everything they said and wanted to be just like them. But as years went by and I grew in my relationship to God I started to question my mentors. Some of the things they said were just plain wrong. I'm sure they thought they were right at the time but now with new information and new experiences under my belt, I could see that they were misguided.
Those experiences have made me cautious in both how I listen and how I speak. It's made me slow to buy everything I hear and temper my desire to proclaim "the truth". Not that I don't believe what I say is true, but I have to understand that I'm fallible. I hear things through my own filters and dysfunction. I do my best to check my thoughts against what other people have said but when it comes right down to it, only God knows the truth.
Now, there are some things that I'm rock solid about - the basics of the faith - Jesus coming and dying for our sins, etc. I'm talking more about how we apply our beliefs to daily life or maybe those debatable passages in scripture or doctrines of the church.
Occassionally someone will come up to me after I speak and say, "You really nailed that!" "That was exactly right!" I don't know how to respond because they may only be saying that they see life through the same filters that I do. Or then again, maybe I did get it exactly right!
My point in all of this is that in both speaking and listening we have to be humble. As much as it feeds our ego, we can't always be confident that we are proclaiming or hearing truth. We need to welcome the Spirit of God into our lives to show us what is true... it may take years for some things to click. Only then will we know if what was proclaimed was true or false.
I grew up as a Christian listening to preachers that were convinced that every word they spoke was sent from heaven. Their passion and strong conviction impressed me. I believed everything they said and wanted to be just like them. But as years went by and I grew in my relationship to God I started to question my mentors. Some of the things they said were just plain wrong. I'm sure they thought they were right at the time but now with new information and new experiences under my belt, I could see that they were misguided.
Those experiences have made me cautious in both how I listen and how I speak. It's made me slow to buy everything I hear and temper my desire to proclaim "the truth". Not that I don't believe what I say is true, but I have to understand that I'm fallible. I hear things through my own filters and dysfunction. I do my best to check my thoughts against what other people have said but when it comes right down to it, only God knows the truth.
Now, there are some things that I'm rock solid about - the basics of the faith - Jesus coming and dying for our sins, etc. I'm talking more about how we apply our beliefs to daily life or maybe those debatable passages in scripture or doctrines of the church.
Occassionally someone will come up to me after I speak and say, "You really nailed that!" "That was exactly right!" I don't know how to respond because they may only be saying that they see life through the same filters that I do. Or then again, maybe I did get it exactly right!
My point in all of this is that in both speaking and listening we have to be humble. As much as it feeds our ego, we can't always be confident that we are proclaiming or hearing truth. We need to welcome the Spirit of God into our lives to show us what is true... it may take years for some things to click. Only then will we know if what was proclaimed was true or false.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Taking Time to Have Fun
I was at a conference a few months ago and a friend stopped to talk to me. He said, "So, Remy, what are you doing for fun these days?" It was like a shot to the heart. I felt sad and embarrassed all at once. I said, "Tom, I don't do fun. I haven't figured out how to pursue excellence and fun at the same time."
My answer has haunted me ever since. I should be able to make time for fun but it seems like there is always one more person to see or another e-mail to return and my sermon can always use more work. So, just this week I made a big decision; I'm taking Mondays off - the whole day. I've always worked "just a few hours" on Monday mornings but one thing leads to another and I inevitably work the whole day. The only true time off I take is Friday mornings to be with Lisa. That's our "date" time together. That means that I'm not taking any personal time and I'm not getting any jobs done around the house. Not good. [Update; after more thought, I've made Monday a work day and I'm taking all of Friday off. If I don't work on Monday I'm buried by Tuesday!]
I don't say this to complain or beg sympathy or impress you with my hard work. I reveal this weakness of mine in case there are others out there doing the same thing. We've got to knock it off! We need to be asking each other the same question asked of me, "What are you doing for fun these days?" And then we have to go have some fun, even if it kills us!
It's taken a few months but I actually did something fun last night. I went skiing for the first time in about 20 years. I almost backed out at the last minute but I forced myself to go. On the first trip down I almost cried. It was so good to do something that I loved but couldn't seem to justify the time or expense. Plus I had a good time getting to know the friend who brought me. Skiing is a very relational time because you spend half the time talking on the chair lift. It was a great affirmation that I was doing the right thing. And I believe it will ultimately add excellence to my work because I will be more balanced in life and refreshed.
So, do me a favor, stop me every now and then and ask me what I'm doing for fun!
My answer has haunted me ever since. I should be able to make time for fun but it seems like there is always one more person to see or another e-mail to return and my sermon can always use more work. So, just this week I made a big decision; I'm taking Mondays off - the whole day. I've always worked "just a few hours" on Monday mornings but one thing leads to another and I inevitably work the whole day. The only true time off I take is Friday mornings to be with Lisa. That's our "date" time together. That means that I'm not taking any personal time and I'm not getting any jobs done around the house. Not good. [Update; after more thought, I've made Monday a work day and I'm taking all of Friday off. If I don't work on Monday I'm buried by Tuesday!]
I don't say this to complain or beg sympathy or impress you with my hard work. I reveal this weakness of mine in case there are others out there doing the same thing. We've got to knock it off! We need to be asking each other the same question asked of me, "What are you doing for fun these days?" And then we have to go have some fun, even if it kills us!
It's taken a few months but I actually did something fun last night. I went skiing for the first time in about 20 years. I almost backed out at the last minute but I forced myself to go. On the first trip down I almost cried. It was so good to do something that I loved but couldn't seem to justify the time or expense. Plus I had a good time getting to know the friend who brought me. Skiing is a very relational time because you spend half the time talking on the chair lift. It was a great affirmation that I was doing the right thing. And I believe it will ultimately add excellence to my work because I will be more balanced in life and refreshed.
So, do me a favor, stop me every now and then and ask me what I'm doing for fun!
Monday, February 21, 2005
Wrestling with Sexuality
After my message yesterday someone came to me and said that they didn't think they saw sex rightly. I could tell that they were struggling with understanding what was right, what was wrong and why they didn't seem to see/feel things like others. As I thought through their struggle I guessed that they must be wrestling with five questions...
- Is there something wrong with me that I have these desires?
- Did something happen to me that I have these desires?
- Was I born with these desires?
- Did I unknowingly choose these desires over time?
- Is there really nothing wrong with me - I'm normal -but other closed minded people are trying to make me feel bad about my desires?
The person that I was speaking with was heterosexual but my guess is that these are the same questions that the homosexual person asks as well. I think these are good questions - normal questions that people should be asking.
Now, expand these questions to include things other than sex - to emotions like anger or fear or depression. Just replace the word "desires" with "emotions". Many people ask these same questions. These are life questions. There is something wrong with us - all of us -and we need to find how to find wholeness in Christ. That's our job as a church community - not to point fingers and judge but to come along side each other and see how we can help provide the answers that will lead to wholeness.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Hearing God in Community
When I started my "Let's Get Personal" series I said that I was "starting a dialogue" - meaning that my words weren't meant to be the final word but the start of a discussion. I knew my words would make some uncomfortable and I wanted to hear back from them to either sharpen or dull what I had said.
This last week proved to be a great discussion following my sermon on divorce and remarriage. People's questions, objections and comments all helped me to expand my understanding and consider other Bible verses that applied. I kept adding to the manuscript of my sermon and reposting it on the website because I felt my message would be incomplete without the updates.
As I thought about what happened, I was pleased to see the evolution of God's word to us as a community. I think that's how it works. Too often we like to say "this is what God says - period." But as everyone adds their reaction, insight and life experience, the Word takes shape. It becomes alive and is able to strike deeper into our spirits because it's become more than information. It's a work of God's Spirit in, through and to his people.
This last week proved to be a great discussion following my sermon on divorce and remarriage. People's questions, objections and comments all helped me to expand my understanding and consider other Bible verses that applied. I kept adding to the manuscript of my sermon and reposting it on the website because I felt my message would be incomplete without the updates.
As I thought about what happened, I was pleased to see the evolution of God's word to us as a community. I think that's how it works. Too often we like to say "this is what God says - period." But as everyone adds their reaction, insight and life experience, the Word takes shape. It becomes alive and is able to strike deeper into our spirits because it's become more than information. It's a work of God's Spirit in, through and to his people.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Holiness & Grace
I'm a holiness preacher at heart. A holiness preacher...according to my definition...calls people to obey God at all costs - even to their own detriment. I'm also a grace preacher. I believe that when we fail to obey God he is always there to accept us, cleanse us, lift us up and send us back on our way. In my mind, there's no conflict. These two attributes of God work like 'hand in glove'. But I'm afraid many people don't appreciate this balance. I'm afraid that obedience is seen as harsh and unreasonable. Doesn't God want me to be happy? Why can't he simply forgive me? Why does he ask me to change? Doesn't he know my situation - how hard it is - how impossible obedience is? Can't he understand and just let it go?
Our greatest happiness comes when we are walking in sync with God. Jesus called this "abiding". He said "If you abide in Me I will abide in you." Paul called it "walking after the Spirit". When we honor God through our obedience we are ultimately honoring ourselves. We are treating ourselves with the most respect and dignity. It's just one of the many paradoxes of the Kingdom of God. But when we seek to please ourselves we ultimately undermine our happiness because any life with "self" at the center will lead to futility, despair and ultimately destruction.
As I turn the corner on my series "Let's Get Personal" - the issues at hand get very hard. When confronted with what the Bible/Jesus says about money, divorce and sex the call to obedience often requires great sacrifice - a great forsaking of personal agendas. It requires "standing naked" with your sin and weakness and seeing your failures for what they are. It requires owning them- yet receiving God's love/forgiveness and choosing to obey again in spite of your mistakes. This is the essence of worship.
That's why I wanted to "get personal". I wanted people to see that following Jesus isn't about singing cool songs and feeling warm and fuzzy. It means choosing God's way in the face of the screams of both the world and their own desires. It means walking away from the crowd and being willing to stand alone. I hope you are one who is willing to recklessly pursue God no matter what the personal cost.
Our greatest happiness comes when we are walking in sync with God. Jesus called this "abiding". He said "If you abide in Me I will abide in you." Paul called it "walking after the Spirit". When we honor God through our obedience we are ultimately honoring ourselves. We are treating ourselves with the most respect and dignity. It's just one of the many paradoxes of the Kingdom of God. But when we seek to please ourselves we ultimately undermine our happiness because any life with "self" at the center will lead to futility, despair and ultimately destruction.
As I turn the corner on my series "Let's Get Personal" - the issues at hand get very hard. When confronted with what the Bible/Jesus says about money, divorce and sex the call to obedience often requires great sacrifice - a great forsaking of personal agendas. It requires "standing naked" with your sin and weakness and seeing your failures for what they are. It requires owning them- yet receiving God's love/forgiveness and choosing to obey again in spite of your mistakes. This is the essence of worship.
That's why I wanted to "get personal". I wanted people to see that following Jesus isn't about singing cool songs and feeling warm and fuzzy. It means choosing God's way in the face of the screams of both the world and their own desires. It means walking away from the crowd and being willing to stand alone. I hope you are one who is willing to recklessly pursue God no matter what the personal cost.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Divorce & Remarriage Revisited
After my message on Sunday I had a few people wish that I had answered a fourth question: "What if I divorced and remarried and I realize now that I did it poorly?" The implied question there is..."Am I doomed by God to live a miserable life?" And/or..."Does God consider me an adulterer from here on out?" Those are pretty serious questions that deserve an answer.
I can't imagine living with the thought that God saw me as an adulterer and there was no recourse. So let me give this a shot.
First of all, let me say that Jesus' words about divorce and remarriage leave little "wiggle room". To NOT be considered an adulterer requires either rejecting his words or observing in scripture how we might be able to resolve being an adulterer. But, unless someone broke covenant with you, you have to own the adultery part.
Now, as bad as that is, who hasn't failed God? And specifically relating to marriage...who hasn't WANTED to break covenant with their spouse? It's admirable that people don't follow through on their desires (and not divorce) but no one is perfect. And like any sin, there is forgiveness, there is reparation and restoration. God always offers us a fresh start but there may be some conditions attached and some consequences that follow.
If you find yourself in this scenario, I recommend a few things. First, admit the adultery. Own it. You can't find forgiveness if you don't admit the guilt. And not just the overall guilt but the specific things you did wrong, the specific character flaws that led you to divorce and remarry in the manner that you did (maybe selfishness, pride, impatience, bitterness, etc.).
Second, ask and receive God's forgiveness. All sin is forgiveable if you are truly sorry and willing to forsake it. This is how you can put the adultery in the past. Next, ask forgiveness of those you hurt; your ex-spouse, your children, your friends, maybe even your current spouse if you realize that you entered into the marriage inappropriately. That doesn't invalidate your current marriage but clearing the air of past wrongs will help the future of your marriage.
Finally, make any amends that are outstanding. You need to bring closure. Leaving issues unresolved only causes personal and relational discord - not only with people but with God. As hard as these things may seem to do, not doing them will only cause you inner turmoil. Doing them will bring you the freedom you have been looking for.
Sixty percent of remarriages end in divorce. That tells me that there is a flaw in the whole divorce/remarriage scenario. Many reasons could be pointed out but I think a very big flaw is that people fail to do what I've outlined here - bringing closure to past wrongs. Marriage is hard enough when things go well. When you bring all kinds of baggage from a previously failed marriage into a new one, it's a wonder any work at all. I welcome your feedback.
I can't imagine living with the thought that God saw me as an adulterer and there was no recourse. So let me give this a shot.
First of all, let me say that Jesus' words about divorce and remarriage leave little "wiggle room". To NOT be considered an adulterer requires either rejecting his words or observing in scripture how we might be able to resolve being an adulterer. But, unless someone broke covenant with you, you have to own the adultery part.
Now, as bad as that is, who hasn't failed God? And specifically relating to marriage...who hasn't WANTED to break covenant with their spouse? It's admirable that people don't follow through on their desires (and not divorce) but no one is perfect. And like any sin, there is forgiveness, there is reparation and restoration. God always offers us a fresh start but there may be some conditions attached and some consequences that follow.
If you find yourself in this scenario, I recommend a few things. First, admit the adultery. Own it. You can't find forgiveness if you don't admit the guilt. And not just the overall guilt but the specific things you did wrong, the specific character flaws that led you to divorce and remarry in the manner that you did (maybe selfishness, pride, impatience, bitterness, etc.).
Second, ask and receive God's forgiveness. All sin is forgiveable if you are truly sorry and willing to forsake it. This is how you can put the adultery in the past. Next, ask forgiveness of those you hurt; your ex-spouse, your children, your friends, maybe even your current spouse if you realize that you entered into the marriage inappropriately. That doesn't invalidate your current marriage but clearing the air of past wrongs will help the future of your marriage.
Finally, make any amends that are outstanding. You need to bring closure. Leaving issues unresolved only causes personal and relational discord - not only with people but with God. As hard as these things may seem to do, not doing them will only cause you inner turmoil. Doing them will bring you the freedom you have been looking for.
Sixty percent of remarriages end in divorce. That tells me that there is a flaw in the whole divorce/remarriage scenario. Many reasons could be pointed out but I think a very big flaw is that people fail to do what I've outlined here - bringing closure to past wrongs. Marriage is hard enough when things go well. When you bring all kinds of baggage from a previously failed marriage into a new one, it's a wonder any work at all. I welcome your feedback.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Sexuality & Promiscuity
When we changed websites I stopped blogging. But after hearing from another pastor how many people read his blog, I thought it was time to begin again. This blog gives me the chance to share more personal thoughts and more in-depth than I can on Sundays.
I read an article yesterday called "Losing Your Promiscuity" in preparation for my message this Sunday. It really troubled me. The author was a counselor and wrote about the young people that he sees that have such distorted views of sex. The typical person is actively very young and very often with different partners. He described it as being as intimate a refueling a plane. Then as these same people go into marriage, sex has lost its power. Instead of being the consummation of love at marriage it is merely a well used add on feature.
I couldn't help but grieve for the loss that these young people are experiencing. But the truly sad thing is that they aren't even aware of the loss because they never appreciated what they had in the first place. I'm frustrated already at the thought of having only 30 minutes on Sunday to try to counter such deeply embedded thoughts in our culture.
God's call to sex within marriage isn't prudish. We keep valuable jewels in a bank vault for a reason - only bringing them out at special times for the select few to see. That's what keeps them valuable. When you start showing them on street corners with no security, those same jewels become common and even boring.
We live in a culture that has lost an understanding of intimacy. I pray that we can find it back. Read the full article at http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/008/1.32.html
I read an article yesterday called "Losing Your Promiscuity" in preparation for my message this Sunday. It really troubled me. The author was a counselor and wrote about the young people that he sees that have such distorted views of sex. The typical person is actively very young and very often with different partners. He described it as being as intimate a refueling a plane. Then as these same people go into marriage, sex has lost its power. Instead of being the consummation of love at marriage it is merely a well used add on feature.
I couldn't help but grieve for the loss that these young people are experiencing. But the truly sad thing is that they aren't even aware of the loss because they never appreciated what they had in the first place. I'm frustrated already at the thought of having only 30 minutes on Sunday to try to counter such deeply embedded thoughts in our culture.
God's call to sex within marriage isn't prudish. We keep valuable jewels in a bank vault for a reason - only bringing them out at special times for the select few to see. That's what keeps them valuable. When you start showing them on street corners with no security, those same jewels become common and even boring.
We live in a culture that has lost an understanding of intimacy. I pray that we can find it back. Read the full article at http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/008/1.32.html
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
A Letter to the Editor on Moral Absolutes
Editor;
It was interesting to read your words about the recent school board meeting (7/18/04, Dunn County News) regarding the Gay/Straight Alliance meeting in the high school. You started by saying “A wonderful thing happened Monday night” then ended by saying that you “tipped your hat” to the participants for making Menomonie proud. But in the editorial below yours, Mr. Hoffman saw visions of the Salem Witch Trials at that same meeting. Isn’t it amazing how two people can see things so differently?
I was at the meeting as well. I didn’t agree with everything said (from either side), but I was pleased to see the open discussion, emotion and all. Emotion often comes with deep convictions. I don't think that's something people need to be ashamed of showing.
Our society is going through a tremendous cultural shift. For centuries, (right or wrong) our legal system has used the Judeo-Christian Ten Commandments as the basis for moral law. It’s provided an absolute in decision making. But today, our culture is heavily questioning that assumption. They have the right to do that. But those who choose to cling to the idea of an absolute should not be labeled as “flat world” believers (as stated in lead article quote 7/14/04). To release ourselves from moral absolutes is not equivalent to making progress in the 21st century as Mr. Hoffman implies in his letter. Science and Religion are not mutually exclusive.
In fact, science is simply the study of what exists. And science has discovered many absolutes that exist; the speed of sound, the speed of light, the force of gravity, and 2+ 2 = 4, every time.
Is it so odd to think that there might be moral absolutes as well as physical absolutes? Every time I board a plane I’m grateful for the physical absolutes that the plane was engineered for and that the pilots incorporate into their flying knowledge. Without their in-depth knowledge of those absolutes, I don’t think I’d want to be flying. (Without physical absolutes, the plane could not have been built in the first place.) Is it too much of a stretch to think that there might be moral absolutes as well? And is it too much of a stretch to think that the breaking of moral absolutes will bring the same level of catastrophe that a plane would experience if it ignored the physical law? Do we really want to risk finding out?
Or is everything relative? Will we some day decide that parents can divorce each other and wed their children or sisters wed each other? That is not too far fetched if we really believe the statement from the other letter to the editor July 18. The writer said that, “What people want to do with their lives is their choice, not anyone else.” Our judicial system tells us that that’s not true. Our judicial system revolves around moral law being enforced not ignored.
It seems that there will be an increasing divide over this issue of absolutes. If we are ever to get “the human relations part” (that Mr. Hoffman regrets we lack) we are going to have to learn how to talk about it without labeling either side as archaic thinkers or Witch-hunters. It’s been said that once you label someone you can then discount them entirely. I hope we can rise above that and eagerly listen to and respect each other. If we can do this, we’ll contine to “do Menomonie proud.”
It was interesting to read your words about the recent school board meeting (7/18/04, Dunn County News) regarding the Gay/Straight Alliance meeting in the high school. You started by saying “A wonderful thing happened Monday night” then ended by saying that you “tipped your hat” to the participants for making Menomonie proud. But in the editorial below yours, Mr. Hoffman saw visions of the Salem Witch Trials at that same meeting. Isn’t it amazing how two people can see things so differently?
I was at the meeting as well. I didn’t agree with everything said (from either side), but I was pleased to see the open discussion, emotion and all. Emotion often comes with deep convictions. I don't think that's something people need to be ashamed of showing.
Our society is going through a tremendous cultural shift. For centuries, (right or wrong) our legal system has used the Judeo-Christian Ten Commandments as the basis for moral law. It’s provided an absolute in decision making. But today, our culture is heavily questioning that assumption. They have the right to do that. But those who choose to cling to the idea of an absolute should not be labeled as “flat world” believers (as stated in lead article quote 7/14/04). To release ourselves from moral absolutes is not equivalent to making progress in the 21st century as Mr. Hoffman implies in his letter. Science and Religion are not mutually exclusive.
In fact, science is simply the study of what exists. And science has discovered many absolutes that exist; the speed of sound, the speed of light, the force of gravity, and 2+ 2 = 4, every time.
Is it so odd to think that there might be moral absolutes as well as physical absolutes? Every time I board a plane I’m grateful for the physical absolutes that the plane was engineered for and that the pilots incorporate into their flying knowledge. Without their in-depth knowledge of those absolutes, I don’t think I’d want to be flying. (Without physical absolutes, the plane could not have been built in the first place.) Is it too much of a stretch to think that there might be moral absolutes as well? And is it too much of a stretch to think that the breaking of moral absolutes will bring the same level of catastrophe that a plane would experience if it ignored the physical law? Do we really want to risk finding out?
Or is everything relative? Will we some day decide that parents can divorce each other and wed their children or sisters wed each other? That is not too far fetched if we really believe the statement from the other letter to the editor July 18. The writer said that, “What people want to do with their lives is their choice, not anyone else.” Our judicial system tells us that that’s not true. Our judicial system revolves around moral law being enforced not ignored.
It seems that there will be an increasing divide over this issue of absolutes. If we are ever to get “the human relations part” (that Mr. Hoffman regrets we lack) we are going to have to learn how to talk about it without labeling either side as archaic thinkers or Witch-hunters. It’s been said that once you label someone you can then discount them entirely. I hope we can rise above that and eagerly listen to and respect each other. If we can do this, we’ll contine to “do Menomonie proud.”
Friday, April 23, 2004
Thoughts on suicide
With the death of a local teen, the question comes about suicide and salvation. People often wonder if suicide automatically condemns the victim. The answer involves more than I have time to write (or you read!) but it's an important question. How we answer that question shows a lot about our concept of God.
First of all, the thought that suicide victims automatically go to hell is not in the Bible.
Second, that thought separates suicide as an unforgiveable sin. Nothing is unforgiveable. Third, some believe that suicide is damning because you didn't have time to repent before you died. Well, who dies having repented of all their sin? It would be a rare case that someone would have just remembered every offense, repented of every offense and asked forgiveness from God and then laid down and died. Highly improbable.
Unfortunately, many people live through life feeling cursed because they either contemplated suicide or even attempted it. They don't need to hear that they are damned. They need to hear that God is close to the broken hearted. That IS in the Bible. God has compassion on these hopeless people.
Plus, there are the family members who live with the pain of a loved one who committed suicide - thinking that they are in hell for their action. If the person who committed suicide was a believer/follower of Jesus, we can be confident that they are with the Lord. If we aren't sure, then we shouldn't make any judgments. We really don't know.
First of all, the thought that suicide victims automatically go to hell is not in the Bible.
Second, that thought separates suicide as an unforgiveable sin. Nothing is unforgiveable. Third, some believe that suicide is damning because you didn't have time to repent before you died. Well, who dies having repented of all their sin? It would be a rare case that someone would have just remembered every offense, repented of every offense and asked forgiveness from God and then laid down and died. Highly improbable.
Unfortunately, many people live through life feeling cursed because they either contemplated suicide or even attempted it. They don't need to hear that they are damned. They need to hear that God is close to the broken hearted. That IS in the Bible. God has compassion on these hopeless people.
Plus, there are the family members who live with the pain of a loved one who committed suicide - thinking that they are in hell for their action. If the person who committed suicide was a believer/follower of Jesus, we can be confident that they are with the Lord. If we aren't sure, then we shouldn't make any judgments. We really don't know.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
The Cedarbrook Community
As we approach Cedarbrook's one year anniversary, I'm thankful that we are developing into a community. Because we have been the "place to check out", I've been a bit concerned that no one would get to know each other...that it would always be like "going to a show" where you never meet the person sitting next to you. But through small groups, through volunteering, through just regular attendance on Sundays, connections are being made and a family is developing. That's good. We need family. We need each other. Many of us have walls protecting us from each other, but the church should be a place where we can let those walls slowly melt and begin to trust again.
But strengths can easily turn to weaknesses if they go unchecked. Here's where many churches turn inward and slowly die or at best become ineffective. Once a sense of "family" settles in, they tend to enjoy each other so much they forget what got them there in the first place; inclusiveness. Slowly, imperceptibly, they start talking about "us" and "them" , etc. They become a self-congratulating club. And what's so surprising is that they are the last to know, but visitors pick up on it right away. They feel like outsiders. Nothing's really wrong, it's more of a feeling. Some can't even put their finger on it, but they decide not to return. So, here's another fine line we need to find...the ability to be a family but always looking to include others first. We have to remember that there is a never ending supply of people who are coming to Cedarbrook for the first time, full of questions, full of doubt, wondering if they will fit in, if their attempt to connect with God or a church will be a big disappointment, etc. etc. Our FIRST thoughts should be to welcome these people and help them to feel as much at home as we do. When we've done that, then we can talk to "the family".
But strengths can easily turn to weaknesses if they go unchecked. Here's where many churches turn inward and slowly die or at best become ineffective. Once a sense of "family" settles in, they tend to enjoy each other so much they forget what got them there in the first place; inclusiveness. Slowly, imperceptibly, they start talking about "us" and "them" , etc. They become a self-congratulating club. And what's so surprising is that they are the last to know, but visitors pick up on it right away. They feel like outsiders. Nothing's really wrong, it's more of a feeling. Some can't even put their finger on it, but they decide not to return. So, here's another fine line we need to find...the ability to be a family but always looking to include others first. We have to remember that there is a never ending supply of people who are coming to Cedarbrook for the first time, full of questions, full of doubt, wondering if they will fit in, if their attempt to connect with God or a church will be a big disappointment, etc. etc. Our FIRST thoughts should be to welcome these people and help them to feel as much at home as we do. When we've done that, then we can talk to "the family".
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